What I am talking about is the concept of deidealization. When children are young, they look at their parents as though they can do no wrong. Slowly, as they begin to mature, they look for flaws in their parents and play up their mistakes. Looking at this phenomenon on the surface, it seems like it would be a hurtful experience for parents to go through (I wouldn't know yet). Falling from a pedestal can be painful, especially when it is your own child picking apart your faults.
In the book, Coming of Age:The Education and Development of Young Adolescents, the author talks about deidealization in a new light. He says that because children look at their parents with such love and adoration, they start to think their parents are perfect. As they mature and realize that perfection is not attainable, they start to look for flaws in people they previously thought of as perfect. When they find the flaws, they call attention to them to prove that an imperfect person can become an adult. The following quote from page 97 states it best:
"Deidealization is not a personal attack but an attempt on the part of the child to make attaining adulthood a less daunting endeavor."
Make sure when you look at that rhino that you are looking at all the parts and thinking about all sides of the story. When you know the truth, it can be a lot easier to swallow.
Very interesting, Sarah. And we rarely consider ideas like this one when working with young adolescents in schools. We know they are going through all kinds of growth spurts...with the physical one being the most apparent...but what they are learning during this time is incredible...about being a functioning adult. Makes the "regular curriculum" pale in comparison.
ReplyDeleteI found the idea of "deidealization" to be very interesting in Coming of Age especially in regard to teachers and technology. I remember being in kindergarten and thinking that my teacher was the greatest color-er ever! She always outlined with a darker color then shaded in with a lighter one. As I got older I realized that my teachers had flaws too, especially in Middle School. Coming of Age talked about how teachers sometimes are scared of technology because they don't know how to use it and the kids often know more than they do. Students are already trying to pick apart their teachers and find flaws, just like they are trying to do with their parents. Using technology as a way for students to realize that teachers do not know everything and realize they can learn from students too could be a powerful tool. I know some teachers would not like the shift in the student becoming the teacher and the teacher becoming the student, but when it comes to technology we need to recognize that kids know a lot more than we do sometimes.
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