Fighting Fair

I’ve been doing some reading in the book, Coming of Age. It has been very interesting from both a teaching standpoint and the view of a parent-to-be in a couple of weeks. There is one section that struck a chord with me. It was basically about fighting fair at home and handling conflicts.

I had to teach health this year, a mandated curriculum paid for with a federal grant that was very scripted and difficult for me to teach. One thing included in this curriculum was a poster that had an outline for how to have a disagreement and settle on a solution with someone. All year in different situations we practiced this poster as a class (because the curriculum told me to). I had written the program off when I had to read, “One good reason for not drinking alcohol as an underage person is that it gives you bad breath.” SERIOUSLY? I put very little value in the remainder of the year but I dutifully taught it under the watchful eye of my curriculum coordinator.

After reading chapter 6 (especially the end), I realized that the health curriculum had not been a complete wash. The rules for fighting fair and the guidelines for resolving conflicts were spot on with what Coming of Age is saying we should be doing with our kids. Huh.

What I liked most about the rules was that they were developed by both the adolescents and the parents at a time when there was no disagreement. When you are in the heat of the moment, no one makes much sense, but if you have a formula you follow each time a disagreement arises, I can imagine it would go much smoother with practice.

I am filing this strategy away for when my son gets to be an adolescent and I am not longer considering the health program to be a complete waste of time. I will however, rework the section on underage drinking :)

It's all in how you look at it

There is an ad on TV where 5 blindfolded women are touching a rhinoceros. I know you have all heard the story before, but bear with me. They each touch a different part of the animal and they all come up with different answers as to what it is. One touches the tail and says it is a rope. Another touches the side and says it is a wall etc. None of them is right because they are not getting the whole picture. Most of life is like this. We are always told that there are "three sides to every story" and things like that. Adolescents are like that rhino. Without knowing all of the aspects of what makes them tick, we aren't getting the whole picture.

What I am talking about is the concept of deidealization. When children are young, they look at their parents as though they can do no wrong. Slowly, as they begin to mature, they look for flaws in their parents and play up their mistakes. Looking at this phenomenon on the surface, it seems like it would be a hurtful experience for parents to go through (I wouldn't know yet). Falling from a pedestal can be painful, especially when it is your own child picking apart your faults.

In the book, Coming of Age:The Education and Development of Young Adolescents, the author talks about deidealization in a new light. He says that because children look at their parents with such love and adoration, they start to think their parents are perfect. As they mature and realize that perfection is not attainable, they start to look for flaws in people they previously thought of as perfect. When they find the flaws, they call attention to them to prove that an imperfect person can become an adult. The following quote from page 97 states it best:

"Deidealization is not a personal attack but an attempt on the part of the child to make attaining adulthood a less daunting endeavor."

Make sure when you look at that rhino that you are looking at all the parts and thinking about all sides of the story. When you know the truth, it can be a lot easier to swallow.

Bullying

Bullying is such a hot topic in education now. I hear kids throwing the word around in daily conversations. I hear parents complaining that things are worse in schools now than when they were in school. I hear teachers and administrators trying to brainstorm solutions for how to handle the problem in our classrooms and on our playgrounds.The biggest addition to the bullying problem, is the addition of technology. My students frequently come to me complaining about harassing text messages and emails they receive from their peers.

I know teachers and other school staff are doing their best to keep kids safe while they are at school, keeping eyes on during unstructured time such as time between classes and recess/lunch. The kids that are doing the bullying are sneaky and not easy to catch. Also, there isn’t much that can be done when things occur outside of school through technology.

We all have heard the horror stories of the child who commits suicide as a result of the torment they undergo daily from these bullies. As a teacher, I feel like I am in the position where I could make a true different in the life of the child being bullied, but I feel severely underprepared for such a role. I know that school needs to be a safe place for kids to grow and learn so that they can develop into successful members of society.

I wish that I could say that I have all the answers and can fix the bullying problem in our schools. I can offer little more than a dedication and a desire to learn more and make changes in my school.

Back Again!

I am back, taking another online class through the University of Maine about middle level curriculum development. It is the last class for me to complete my master's program in literacy. This class, EDC 524 is an elective that I was interested in taking because I am interested in middle school philosophy and the idea of a completely integrated curriculum.

I look forward to reading some professional texts and having some conversations with my colleagues to further hash out this ever-illusive idea of curriculum. Learning more about how to improve myself as an educator has always been my goal. Since the class is online, all of this learning will also incorporate a healthy dose of technology education and experimentation.

The semester very short, only four weeks, but I am sure it will be jam-packed with valuable learning and growth.